


What Lies Within

by Missy_dee811



Category: Marvel 616
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coma, Comic Book Science, Commander Rogers, Community: cap_ironman, Crying, Extremis (Marvel), Extremis Tony Stark, Feelings Realization, Getting Together, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Love Confessions, M/M, Men Crying, Mind Manipulation, New Avengers Vol. 1 (2004), POV Steve, POV Steve Rogers, Past Sharon Carter/Steve Rogers, Sad with a Happy Ending, Steve Feels, Steve Rogers Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-05-24
Packaged: 2020-03-13 10:59:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18939574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy_dee811/pseuds/Missy_dee811
Summary: After a mission ends with Tony falling into a coma, Steve learns Tony's trapped in his own mind. It stirs something within and he comes to see he's willing to do whatever it takes to bring him back.[Written for the Cap-IM Reverse Bang 2019, Team Oath.][Artfor Team Oath by tishawish.]





	What Lies Within

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tishawish](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tishawish/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Art for Team Oath](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18935872) by [tishawish](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tishawish/pseuds/tishawish). 



> I've been thinking about this story for so long and I'm glad to be able to share it. It's inspired by The Cell (2000), though much lighter in tone.
> 
> Another writer also claimed this art, so please, check out [carry you around (in the background)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18921442) and remember to leave kudos/comments!

It was surreal.

Tony was lying before him. He was breathing evenly. Faintly, though audible to Steve. He could barely see the rise and fall of his chest.

 _He was alive, and that was all that matter_ , he kept susurrating to himself.

“Looking isn’t going to change what happened,” said Maria, coming to stand behind Steve.

He hadn’t heard her come in and it surprised him. She pulled him from his reverie.

His thoughts had been drifting. He was still thinking of Tony, of course he was, he couldn’t think of anything else. He couldn’t peel his eyes away.

“It’s impressive, isn’t it,” asked Maria.

Steve nodded. He hadn’t had a chance to look at the armor up-close. This shining, gleaming armor Tony could conjure at will. These days, it lived in his bones. He did maintenance on it, but never when anyone else was around.

He would shrug off any concerns and relegated everything to that virus – Extremis. Steve missed seeing him work on his armor. He hadn’t realized how much he had missed it until he came to stand right in this spot. He couldn’t help but marvel.

It was such a marvelous creation. Such ingenuity and creativity went into its construction. It contained such raw, unadulterated power.

 

It sounded as if he were speaking about the man behind it, and perhaps he was. He knew now he could never be an objective observer. He would always see this armor and think of him.

How the times had changed. Once, he hadn’t known who piloted the armor. He had spent many months thinking of the man behind the faceplate. Knowing only his brilliant blue eyes and the way he moved in the armor.

Steve had let himself wonder. He wondered about his appearance. Did he look like him? Was he taller? Broad-shouldered?

He wondered what he would look like when he was out of breath. He wondered what he would look like at the end of a fight. If his hair were disheveled, if he were bleeding and bruised like the rest of them. He wondered what he would sound like relaying commands.

Had never heard his unfiltered voice.

He wondered if his eyes would light up when he smiled, if he would cock his head to the side when he laughed. He wondered what his lips looked like as they sucked on a straw and if those skills were easily transferable.

If he always walked with such swagger and if he could teach him that.

He did learn the name and the face of the man behind the mask. He did learn his smile and the way he spoke when he was out of breath. He did watch him drinking through straws and had to learn to pause.

It was then he told himself to stop dreaming. Tony could have any woman he wanted. He had seen it first-hand. Why would Tony want him? He had never seen Tony with a man.

 

Maria kept her quiet. She knew Steve well enough to know he’d speak, but he’d need time.

Time to process, time to collect his thoughts. He wouldn’t just say what was on his mind. Not to her, at least. Not at a moment like this.

“How is he,” he asked. Uncertain if he wanted an answer, but needing one nonetheless.

“His condition is stable.”

 _That’s good_ , Steve wanted to say, but he couldn’t bring himself to vocalize it.

Maria gave him a pat on the back. “Why don’t you get out of here and go see him? It’s obvious you want to,” she said.

 _It’s obvious_. Steve latched onto those words. He didn’t want to be obvious. He had tried so hard and for so long to be anything but obvious.

Tony would’ve noticed if he were obvious, and he didn’t need that. He didn’t need the rejection.

He was still angry. How could he have let this get out of hand? How could he have gone so long without saying anything, without informing his team? He knew better than that. He knew they were vulnerable to attacks.

He should’ve seen this coming. He should’ve prepared for this. He prepared for everything, for as unlikely as it seemed, and yet, this? He hadn’t prepared for this.

 

_Iron Man is compromised. He’s in free-fall._

He wasn’t sure who had spoken, whose voice he had heard, but it didn’t matter. He never wanted to hear them and he never wanted to hear those words strung together.

 

They were a team. They were supposed to be a _team_.

Steve was still so angry with him. When he first learned of Tony’s condition, he had opted to take Tony to the hospital himself, but Jessica had stopped him.

“Steve, _focus_. We need you to focus. Tony will be alright,” she said. There was a hint of desperation in her voice. They needed him. They needed him to be Captain America.

Spider-Man was sitting in the rubble a few cars over. There was debris everywhere.

 _Right._ He was still needed here.

 _Tony would be alright_. He had to believe it.

 

They did as much as they could until SHIELD arrived, and then Damage Control shortly thereafter. The fear he had felt turned into anger and the longer he spent away from Tony, the more it festered.

“You’re the leader of the Avengers and you mean to tell me you have no idea how this damned virus works or what it’s done to him?”

“Your guess is as good as mine.”

“That’s not good enough,” said Maria, exasperated.

“Well, it’s what you’re going to get.”

“It’s impossible to talk to you.”

“Fuck if I care.”

He picked up his shield, intending to walk out. He paused, his hand on the doorknob. “Come find me if something happens. Until then, leave me alone.”

He didn’t expect Maria to listen.

 

He went down to the training room. Spent the next few hours working out. He was bone-tired and exhausted, but he couldn’t sleep, could barely rest. The rings required intense concentration and dedication, and by focusing on that, he could avoid thinking about all the rest.

Sharon had come to find him.

She would always be the one to find him. She knew all his hiding spots – not that there were many – and she knew when he was avoiding things.

 

“I love watching you do that,” she said, not bothering to hide the fondness in her voice.

“Stop looking at my ass,” he replied, a little terse.

She laughed, full-bodied. “I’m allowed.”

“Who said?”

“Don’t need your permission.”

He did one last flip, landing perfectly on the mat.

She shook her head. “Show-off.”

“I’m allowed.”

“Want to tell me what’s going on? Want to tell me why Maria looks even more frustrated than usual, why Natasha stormed into her office only to storm out moments later, and why you’re down here blowing off some steam?”

“It’s Tony,” he said.

Sharon sighed.

“What did he do now?”

He settled on the bench closest to the mat and wiped the sweat from his brow. Sharon watched. Their gazes met, and she turned away.

“He’s in a coma,” said Steve. There was no use beating around the bush. There was no use drawing out this conversation. And there was certainly no use in delaying the inevitable.

“Holy shit… What the _fuck_ happened?”

“It was supposed to be a routine mission, but he fell out of the sky, and he landed on a car. Practically destroyed it on impact. He should be dead. Extremis is the only thing keeping him alive, and the only person who knows anything about it is in a maximum-security penitentiary, and she wants nothing to do with him, so of course she doesn’t want to help. Every medical genius is working on this, but Tony has never explained how Extremis works – or how it works on him – and so, nobody knows.”

“I take it she’s pissed.”

“Oh yeah, definitely,” said Steve, gulping down some water. “He’s the reason she’s sitting in that penitentiary in the first place.”

“What did she do?”

“She was looking for a buyer. Didn’t matter who it was or why they wanted it.”

Sharon nodded.

Steve stood up. “I’m going to change.”

“And I’m going to follow.”

“Sharon –”

“No one else is in here with us, and besides, I’ve seen it all,” she said, checking him out. It should make him uncomfortable. Being on display always made him uncomfortable, but it was Sharon. She was just teasing.

Steve groaned but beckoned her to come along.

“Just… Sit there and keep your hands to yourself,” he said, pointing to the bench in front of his locker.

She sat down. “Of course.”

He opened his locker and peeked at her. She was eyeing him, rather smug. He always did like her.

“So… Why is this upsetting you so much, Steve? What aren’t you telling me?”

_So much, Sharon. Where do I even start?_

“Start at the beginning,” she said, as if she heard his thoughts. “Nothing you could say would upset me, and even if it did, I’d still want to hear it.”

“Are you sure,” he asked. He took off his shirt, it was damp with sweat. He knew his skin was too, and he knew the look she was giving him. He dried himself with a towel and put on a clean shirt. He already felt much better.

“Yes, Steve.”

He nodded and silently took off his sweatpants.

He could feel her eyes on him, but he didn’t care. After all, she was right. She had seen all of him before, so none of him would be a surprise.

He finished dressing. It seemed easier to tell her when he was dressed, when he was covered.

He had spent all this time denying this – denying it to himself.

Once the words came to him, they didn’t stop. He told her everything. He told her all the things he should’ve told her when they were still together.

He could see the hurt in her eyes, could see the betrayal. He had known all along but had stayed with her. And yet, here she was. Listening to every word, though it hurt. It hurt to learn he had loved her but had never been in love with her. It was hard to explain the difference. He struggled to find the words.

Exasperated.

She put her hand on his shoulder, squeezing softly.

“It’s fine, Steve. It’s fine. I had… I had had my doubts, but I didn’t know if I was projecting my insecurities. Sex was good, and you were always my rock, supporting me, but I… I didn’t feel that emotional connection, that investment. I thought it was just your way of being.

“I was willing to accept that. I had fallen in love with you, and this is the kind of man you were, who was I to change that? After all, we both lead busy lives. Often, dangerous ones. I thought it was for the best. I thought you were just doing it to protect yourself.

“But I’ve seen you around him. I’ve seen the way you work together. I think… Anyone else would’ve been jealous. Or rather, envious. But, I never had you. You were never mine, Steve,” she said, crying.

She hid in her hands and Steve held her close, letting her rest her head on his shoulders.

“I’m sorry,” he said, kissing the top of her head. He repeated his apology over and over. “I wish I had known. I wish I had known how to be honest with you, how to be honest about this”

“I know,” she said, looking up at him, tears lining her eyes.

“I know,” she said, her voice breaking.

He was breaking her heart and he knew it. It was his fault and there was nothing he could do. The man he loved was floors above, none the wiser. He caressed her cheek and she let the tears fall, knowing he would wipe them away. He couldn’t help but look at her as she cried. She had such beautiful eyes.

He wanted this; wanted whatever this was to remain between them, unbroken. He wanted to keep her close. He wanted to feel the rise and fall of her chest as she cried. He wanted to feel her body react to his touch.

Perhaps, it was a comfort. She was familiar. She didn’t hate him or love him any less. She didn’t reject him or expel him. She accepted him for who he was, flaws and all.

He knew it was naïve to feel this way, but looking into her eyes, he wished he saw in her what he saw in Tony. He wished that same spark was there, but it wasn’t.

How had he missed this? How had he missed this all these years?

He knew what he felt when he and Tony would lock eyes, when Tony would touch the small of his back, and this wasn’t that.

 

_“Hey, big guy, you feel like getting cheeseburgers?”_

How could Steve say no, when all he ever wanted was to be in his presence?

 

They sat there in each other’s embrace for half an hour, maybe an hour before she straightened her back.

“Steve… Why are you telling me now? I know I asked, but I didn’t expect you to answer, so why now?”

“Because if he never wakes up, I will have lost every chance I ever had, and I don’t know how to tell him.”

“You don’t think he knows?”

 

 

In fact, that he hadn’t wanted to see Tony until now, but suddenly, he was overcome with this intense longing. He needed to see Tony. Needed to see him with his own eyes. Needed to know he was, in fact, stable, and that Maria wasn’t lying. He wouldn’t put it past her.

He wouldn’t be surprised if she was trying to get him out of this room. He had been here for the last few hours. Sequestered.

After his conversation with Sharon, she had left, and he had retreated. He needed to write and review the mission reports, and there was so much to report on this mission. It had been a success, all things considered. There were no civilian casualties, which is the best that they could hope. However, there was quite a bit of structural damage to the street and the nearby buildings, not to mention the car that Tony fell on…

_Tony._

There he was again.

His thoughts were all-consumed with him. This – this work – it was supposed to be a distraction, but he kept thinking of Tony. Kept thinking of him falling from the sky and landing on that car. It wasn’t an image he would be able to forget.

Especially, if he never awoke.

The fear and uncertainty he felt when he turned and watched him, unable to do or say anything to change his trajectory or stop him, it haunted him.

He spread his hands on the desk, grounding himself. He focused on the task at hand. It would do no good to break down now. He had too much to do. The team needed him.

 _Get it together, solider,_ he told himself.  

He knew Tony didn’t wear his armor anymore. He had become his armor. He had been so proud, and Steve… Steve hadn’t seen the source of his pride. No, that was untrue. It was a testament to his ingenuity and sheer brilliance that he had been able to adapt Maya Hansen’s invention, but it had been unnecessary.

 

“If you had called for back-up, we would’ve been there to help you,” said Steve. “We’re the Avengers.”

“And this is the future, Steve,” said Tony. He sounded frustrated, but also hurt.

He was masking it, the way he always did, but it was there, under the surface. In many ways, that was his first armor and he was most adept at using it. He was practiced.

Perhaps, Steve feared that now that he could wear his physical armor as easily as this mask, he would opt to keep it on longer and longer. Thereby, closing off.

It wouldn’t matter as much, he knew – Tony would continue being Iron Man, would continue being an Avenger. He had spent years on the team without no one privy to his identity, to his life outside the armor. He would have some difficulties adjusting. He had merged his dual lives as Tony Stark and Iron Man, but it wouldn’t be very difficult to keep the Avengers and his business dealings separate.

There was precedent.

If Tony wished to remain cocooned, few would be able to convince him to drop the façade, and he was afraid he’d wouldn’t be among those. He would turn to Jim, the only person who knew what it meant to juggle multiple identities, chief among them, Iron Man.

Yet, Steve feared he’d be cast aside. Another casualty.  

Steve knew they were in a precarious position. If things turned sour – and they had in times past, when they had reached a crossroad of this kind – then he would be shut-out in the process. It was selfish, he knew, but he wanted nothing more than to remain in this inner circle.

He wanted nothing more than to continue being one of the few people who saw him without his masks. He loved being able to see his eyes and couldn’t imagine only a lifetime of staring into Iron Man’s eyes and never once seeing the man underneath. The flesh and blood man whose beating heart gave Iron Man its strength.

He couldn’t tell him that. It would reveal too much.

Steve pretended he didn’t see Tony’s mask crumble when he turned to walk away, leaving only the hurt he had been trying to hide. He chided himself for leaving but didn’t bother turning around.

“I’ll see you at the next Avengers meeting,” said Steve, purposely keeping his voice cool. Betraying none of the emotion he felt.

 

And yet, Steve couldn’t help but think of Tony trapped inside that metallic suit. The more he thought about it, the less he could fathom how he had been able to walk away. How he had been able to continue doing what needed to be done.

He had left Tony’s side and had kept working. The people needed him, and it didn’t matter if one person had needed him… Duty called.

He sighed. Tony would understand. Worst of all, Tony would agree. He always put others above himself. Wasn’t that how he had ended up with that virus coursing through his veins and rewriting his physiology?

It still frustrated him. Tony’s strength wasn’t physical. Not that he wasn’t strong. It took a lot of raw strength and power to pilot the Iron Man suit. He knew that better than anyone, save for Jim, who had been both a pilot and Iron Man, at one time.

No, Tony’s strength was his will. His drive. The need to be better, to be a better version of himself. He wouldn’t see it that way. Steve knew that rather well.

 

“I’m just a tin man, Steve.”

“You shouldn’t sell yourself short,” said Steve.

Tony threw his head back, resting on the cushion. He was so relaxed. Steve wished he could move closer, run his hand through his hair, lean in and kiss him, softly. Offer him words of praise interspersed with languid kisses.

“You’re remarkable,” said Steve, before he could stop himself. He was walking on a tight-rope and he knew it.

Tony sat up and turned to face him, on the opposite couch. “My, aren’t we loose-lipped today. What’s the occasion?”

Steve shook his head, smiling. “It’s the truth.”

Tony rose, fixing the cushions as he stood. “Well, if I were a betting man – and frankly, it’s for the best, I’m not – I’d say… Doesn’t matter what I’d say. I’m getting water.”

Steve watched him walk away. Watched the way he moved, the ease with which he carried himself.

He called after him. “You sure do play a lot of poker for a man who doesn’t bet.”

Tony paused, midway to the kitchen. “You ever stop to think there’s more to why I play poker?”

He took longer than usual to make his way back to couch, and by the time he did, the atmosphere had changed. Steve remembered the newest episode of _Grey’s Anatomy_ was on and Tony had groaned but had changed the channel.

“It’s weird when you do that,” said Steve.

“Easier than trying to find a remote I don’t need. Sorry, Cap,” said Tony, as if he meant it.

 

Steve pushed away the report he had been writing. He had written enough for today. He stood and started organizing the stacks of paper littering his desk. He needed the time to sort through these documents.

_Time._

It seemed he was always running out of time.

It was then he heard a knock. He knew it was Maria long before she had opened the door. No one else would be coming to see him at this hour. He knew Natasha was off, searching for clues, trying to track down the culprit behind today’s attack.

She would be fine. He knew she wouldn’t come back or contact him unless she had something to report.

She was throwing herself into a situation she could handle. He understood the impulse, having done so himself. She hadn’t taken the news very well, Sharon had implied as much.

He could imagine the spectacle. Natasha storming into Maria’s office and leaving as suddenly. Other agents would be left questioning.

She and Tony had always cared for each other. They had been enemies and lovers and teammates, but above all, friends.

He thought of contacting the other Avengers, to see what everyone had been doing. To see if anyone else was chasing any leads. He should’ve thought of that hours ago, but he had been blindsided, first by his earlier argument with Maria, and then his conversation with Sharon. It had been a confessional.  

“Sharon said you’d be in here,” she said.

Steve nodded. He knew Sharon wouldn’t have said anything about what they had discussed, but she would have made it clear that he was to be left alone. Unbothered. She knew he would need time to himself, to collect his thoughts, before he’d be willing to face this situation. He needed clarity.

He thought of Tony’s bright eyes and ran a hand down his face.

“Do you have any news?”

“Yes, but you’re not going to like it,” said Maria.

There was no part of this he liked. “Just tell me.”

Even to his own ears, he sounded weary. He was glad she didn’t comment on it.

“It seems it isn’t physiological but psychological. His body’s fine. Well, no. He sustained a lot of injuries. I could bore you with the details, but you’ll just read the report and torture yourself later. So really, I’m just delaying the inevitable.”

She raised a hand, knowing Steve would have interrupted her.

“None of that. I know you and I know that’s what you _do_. You pour over the excruciating details and find a way to blame yourself for having done too little. Or, what you see as too little. Well, I’m here to tell you this: you did the right thing. Anthony would agree.”

She took a step and started pacing around the office.

“Doesn’t mean he’s right,” said Steve.

“Bullshit. You know it was the right thing. You don’t think he’d want to do whatever he could to save you? You don’t think he’d go above and beyond to make sure you were unharmed? But, he’s not going to put other people’s lives on the line and neither are you.

“He’s going to do whatever he can to make sure everyone else is fine, and they usually are. Besides, didn’t he stop his heart for you once before?”

Their gazes met.

“Doesn’t matter,” she said. “Steve, there was nothing you could’ve done for him in that moment. You did what he couldn’t. You did what needed to be done. That’s why you do this. Isn’t it?”

Steve nodded, not trusting his voice.

“I didn’t come here to talk about this. I came here to tell you Extremis did its job. It’s healed him from the worst of the injuries, which means he’s in a coma because he wants to be. I spoke to Ms. Potts earlier today, but she said you’re his proxy. Can’t say I’m surprised.”

She came to stand in front of his desk, inspecting the piles he had haphazardly organized. He was thankful she didn’t comment.

Ignoring the mess, she met his gaze. “I need to know what you want to do, who you want to call,” she said.

Steve nodded.

He had been thinking of options. He already knew he was Tony’s proxy. He never asked why it wasn’t Pepper or Happy or Jim, just accepted the fact. He had been asked to make decisions on his behalf once before, the day he stopped his heart and died for thirty-seven minutes.

The paramedics had rushed him to Lennox Hill and every second felt excruciatingly longer than the last. Though, no one had stopped him from going.

 

It was well into the night, after several phone calls, they had settled on a course of action. Steve’s first call had been to Reed.

Susan had answered.

“Invisible Woman,” he said, smiling. It was good to see her, it had been some time.

“Steve! I take it this is a business call, should I go get him?”

Steve nodded, preferring to explain things only once. He kept things simple. In part, because he knew Maria was standing just off to the side and out of view, but not out of earshot. He didn’t want SHIELD to know about Extremis. Or at least, only as much as they needed to know to help him. Tony kept these things close to the chest. He wanted to respect his wishes.

Reed explained Extremis, or what he knew of it, to both Steve and his wife. Steve took notes. He watched Maria, knowing she was keeping these things in the back of her mind too. The healing factor and other specifics Steve had wished she hadn’t heard.

Ultimately, Reed said he wasn’t the best person to ask how to proceed.

“Bruce would be a better bet,” said Reed. He turned to his wife and she nodded in agreement.

“He might still be awake,” he said.

They said their goodbyes and ended the call. Steve was frustrated. It had been a long, draining day.

He wasted no time and called Bruce right away. He answered on the second ring. He didn’t sound very happy, but once he heard the news, it was all business. They were friends, first and foremost.

It occurred to Steve, while speaking to Bruce, that Tony wouldn’t have thought all these people would care about his well-being. He brushed off the concerns of others and kept everyone at arm’s distance, and despite all that, he had a group of people working around the clock to pull him from his mind.

“He’s trapped in his mind,” repeated Bruce, for what must’ve been the third time.

“Yes,” said Steve, exasperated.

Why hadn’t he thought to put together a conference call.

_Because it’s the middle of night._

He kept looking over to where Maria was sitting. She hadn’t said anything. Not during his conversation with the Richards and not while Bruce spoke. Maria may have ulterior motives, but Steve knew she cared for him, in her own way, too and her willingness to help showed that.

Bruce reiterated much of what Reed had said. He had offered his own insight but had stated the best person to contact would be Hank. They hadn’t spoken long and when the call disconnected, Steve rubbed his eyes together. He was growing tired.

He didn’t need as much sleep as the others, but the day had taken its toll on him. He decided to call Hank.

“Last one,” said Steve, meeting Maria’s eyes.

She stood up, brushed off any dust lingering on her uniform. “Steve, staying up all night isn’t going to make this any easier. We’ll pick up in a few hours. Go shower and rest.”

Steve eyed her, surprised, mostly, by her admission.

“Or not. Do whatever you want, I’ll be back in the morning. If anything happens, I want to know.”

She gathered her belongings and made her way out the door only pausing at the last minute.

“Steve,” she said, turning to face him, “he’ll be fine. It’s Tony.”

“That’s why I’m concerned,” said Steve.

She left the office then, leaving him to ponder his thoughts alone. He knew he should get some rest, come back to this with fresh, new eyes, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t rest, not knowing Tony was wrestling his thoughts and losing the fight. He had seen Tony at his lowest before and he could only imagine how much worse it was in his mind.

He grabbed his leather jacket and made his way out and back to his quarters. He was still wearing his post-workout clothes, so a shower was in order. He peeled off the clothes, letting them pile on the floor in front of the shower, and climbed in. He let the water pummel his back before getting under the spray.

It was as good of a massage as he was going to get, and he desperately needed it.

Toweling off, he thought of calling Hank again.

He changed into a different set of sweatpants, foregoing the shirt, and climbed into bed. Lying on top of the pillows, he mentally ran through all the things Reed and Bruce had told him. He had an idea, but he’d have to run it through Hank first.

Eventually, he fell asleep, giving in to exhaustion.

 

First thing in the morning, he called Hank. He told Hank what he knew. He asked him a few questions, and for a time, it seemed as if all hope was lost, and there was no way to get Tony back, when Hank had an idea. .

“It’s risky,” he said.

“Not doing anything is risky,” said Steve. The more time Tony spent trapped in his mind, held hostage by his thoughts, the harder it would be to pull him out of this.

Steve could hear the other man thinking, weighing their options.

“I suppose you’re right,” said Hank. “We’re going to need a doctor…a medical doctor.”

“Who’re you thinking?”

“The Sorcerer Supreme may object, but this is the best option we have available to us since none of us know Extremis as well as Tony does,” said Hank.

“Tony’s not too keen on magic,” said Steve.

“No, he’s not, but between magic and being a prisoner in his own body, we both know, he’d chose magic,” said Hank.

 

It wasn’t long after that that he ended the call. Steve sat on the edge of his bed. Sleep had been the right course of action. He felt invigorated, albeit worried. He phoned Jim, who answered almost immediately, and Steve filled him in on Hank’s plan.

“I’ll be there as soon as I can,” said Jim.

 

He finished getting dressed and met Maria in the mess hall. She had a cup of coffee in each hand and passed a cup to him.

“Only you could sleep three hours and not look it,” she said.

“But I feel it,” he said.

 

They walked toward the conference room. Steve had told Maria what he was willing to disclose while they walked. Just outside the door, stood Natasha.

Steve asked her about her mission, but she waved it off. “I didn’t come here for that,” she said.

He had thought of calling Bucky but hadn’t wanted to involve too many people. Maria, Sharon, and Pepper all knew. As did Sue, Reed, and Bruce, though they didn’t know what he and Hank had in mind. And now, he had told Jim and Stephen their plan.

“What’s the plan,” asked Natasha, once everyone had gathered. She had opted to see next to Maria and opposite Steve. Stephen was sitting a few seats to his right and Jim, across from him, and Hank on Steve’s left.

Steve stood, needing some distance. He explained the situation and their plan. He answered all their questions, delegating to either Stephen or Hank, when necessary.

“Who’s going to go in,” asked Natasha. She was concerned.

“I will,” said Steve, though he hadn’t discussed that with anyone. He had made up his mind sometime between breakfast and now.

 

Jim was on standby in case they needed someone who could overpower the armor. Hank would be watching their vitals. Natasha had coached him, with Maria keeping her distance; watchful.

“Our minds are designed to protect us. They will put up safeguards to keep us safe. Tony will be in a place he finds most secure, in the place where he is most comfortable. It may not be what you think it is.

“You must be open to the possibility that you will see and experience things that may go against everything you think you know about him. We have no idea how Tony views himself. Oh, sure, we can approximate, but there’s no way to know for sure until you go in.

“For all we know, it’s an incredibly hostile place. I don’t have to tell you to watch your back. He’s in a vulnerable place. You’re there to help him help himself. We both know you can’t force him to do anything,” said Natasha.

“We will be watching your vitals, if anything goes awry, we’re pulling you out,” said Hank. Natasha and Jim nodded.

Maria stood from where she was seated and approached Steve. “Stephen’s waiting for you in the next room,” she said.

He nodded and followed her out.

Stephen had moved Tony into this container. He was suspended. Still and sleeping. Suddenly, it all felt real. All these hours had passed, but now he was standing before him, and it all seemed impossible.

Steve reached for him and didn’t notice the tears fall.  

 

Entering Tony’s mind was unlike anything else he had ever experienced.

He was standing on a wide expanse of beach. It seemed unlike any beach he had ever visited, and yet, there was a familiarity to it.

Off in the distance, there was a storm gathering. He could see it was strengthening as it moved across the sea – if he could call it that. The clouds were dark and the water, below chaotic and murky.

The beach ended not far from there. There was a rocky cliff, and the waves kept crashing into the shore more violently than the time before. It was relentless and strange. So very strange.

There was no air, no need to breathe, and it was suffocating. The sun was beating down on him. He wiped his brow and realized he was sweating.

 _You’re inside Tony’s mind_ , he reminded himself.

It had been one of Natasha’s rules.

Stephen had given him a totem.

“You’re to keep this on you at all times while you’re in his mind. You’re an intruder. He has no idea you’re in there. We’re hoping he takes kindly to you, but there’s no way we could know. If you need to get out, just squeeze,” said Stephen.

 

Steve walked for hours before he encountered him. He was sitting poolside, a woman rubbing tanning oil into his bronzed skin.

“Steve,” he all but screamed, cheerfully rising to his feet and pulling him into a hug.

“I – I didn’t know you were here,” said Tony, still smiling, though it didn’t reach his eyes.

He knew he needed to tread lightly.

“I was looking for you,” said Steve.

It was the wrong thing to say. Tony grabbed him by the collar.

“Did _he_ send you? The _other_ one? The one that thinks this is all too good to be true? The one that wants nothing more than to go back to that world? DID HE SEND YOU?”

Tony was bellowing. The woman that had been assisting him started to back up. She was scared, and Steve didn’t blame her. This Tony was belligerent.

Steve held firm. “Where is he,” he asked.

He wasn’t expecting an answer.

“He won’t die. I’ve tried… I tried,” he said, as if he were supposed to garner sympathy from Steve.

“Oh God, Steve. I tried so hard to be welcoming, but he didn’t want to hear it. He just wanted to hide in here and disappear, so he left me no choice. I had no other options but to send him away,” said Tony.

Steve watched horrified as Tony pointed to the cliff. He had had a feeling, but having it confirmed didn’t quell his anxiety. He knew he would have to go there and find Tony, rescuing him from this version of himself.  

He thought Tony was going to put up a fight, but he just laughed and laughed and kept laughing until he had to sit down. Once he sat, a few more women came out, holding drinks and towels, carrying trays of food. It was obscene.

Tony had never acted like this around Steve, but Steve had to keep reminding himself of what Natasha had said. This was Tony’s mind, this is where he went to retreat. This wasn’t for the public and it wasn’t for anyone else.

 

Tony had allowed him to take supplies, which his assistants had packed for him, despite his objections, before he set off. It took him a few days to hike across the desert. The sand dunes were a natural barrier between the beach and the desert. Steve found it easier to trek across the desert than the beach itself. The rising tide made it difficult to walk along the shore.

He knew why the desert and he knew why the cave. The beach made sense too. And yet, this was where Tony was supposed to feel safe. This was the world he had created when he wanted to escape. It seemed so vast and lonely. Though, he wondered if he would create a world like this. If he would recreate the New York of his youth or if he would create the New York of the 21st century.

Would his worst fears be locked on a fighter jet? Would the worst version of himself see his other self as a threat, as this Tony did?

He was tired and sweaty, and his joints ached. He felt strung out.

He had finally made it, to the edge of the beach, to where the rocks were, when the rain started. The storm had arrived. With the rain pelting on his back and the wind cutting across his face, exhaustion was threatening to overtake him.

_Oh, here there’s wind._

And yet, the higher he went, the more rocks he climbed, the less it rained. Until he finally made it out of the storm and set foot on the cliff itself.

It was beautiful here. Warm and sunny, but not so hot it suffocated, as it had been on the beach. There were cherry blossoms everywhere. It was lush and green; a true paradise.

In the distance, he saw the cave, and made his way.

 

It was easier to find this Tony. He was weak, still bloody from the fight, though Steve wasn’t sure which – the one that had landed him here, or the one he had had with the other Tony, for dominion over this land.

“Steve,” he said, incredulous, when he spotted him.

He couldn't run to him, but he rose from where he was sitting, against one of the walls of the cave.

“Steve, Steve, please. Please… Is that really you?”

Steve nodded, not trusting his voice.

“I’m here to take you home, Tony,” he said, as softly as he could muster. He lowered himself, kneeling before Tony, who fell into his embrace.

“I thought – I thought… No one would… I thought no one would come,” said Tony, in between sobs.

“Why – why wouldn’t I come,” asked Steve.

He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear the answer. He knew it was manipulative to ask. Tony was in such a vulnerable place. He was hiding from the other part of his psyche in a place that reminded Steve of loss, more than anything.

Japan would always remind Tony of Rumiko. Her love for simple, beautiful things had left a lasting impression. She had always loved the cherry blossoms and Tony always flew out to Japan for the anniversary of her death.

He never said anything, but Steve knew. They had been in bloom when she died.

If Sharon died, he would mourn her too.

“I didn’t think you loved me,” said Tony, simply.

Steve held him closer, impossibly so, and spoke into his ear.

“Who told you that?”

Tony pulled away, aghast.

“What… What do you mean?”

“I love you, Tony. I’ve loved you for a long time. But it took even longer for me to find out, and I’m sorry. All this time… All this time,” said Steve, trailing off.

Tony shook his head.

“Let’s go,” he said, rising to his feet. “Let’s get out of here.”

Steve followed suit. Tony grabbed his things: a suitcase, a robe, and something small he stuffed in the pocket of his robe. Steve didn’t ask.

They made their way to the edge of the cliff and Tony sat down, letting his feet hang off.

“I know you just said that to wake me up, so to speak, and coax me out of here. But if you’re saying the truth, if that’s what you mean, I want you to say it to me when I wake up. I want those to be the first words I hear,” said Tony.

There were tears trailing down his cheek and Steve wiped them away with the back of his hand.

“Look at me,” he said, and Tony complied.

“All of this, it isn’t real, but I am, and these words I say are just as real as I am. Tony, I love you.”

“Say it to me when we’re back, just so I know it’s real,” said Tony.

 

It all happened so quickly. Steve reach for his hand and they locked fingers. Tony squeezed the small object he had pocketed, and Steve had squeezed his totem.

Next thing he knew, Tony was thrashing against the tank, asphyxiating. He was suspended in this liquid and now he was breathing it in.

Steve had awoken to see Hank, Natasha, and Jim running into the room. Maria, just behind them, ordering SHIELD agents.

Jim broke the glass and unplugged Tony from the ports that had kept him in place. Thankfully, Stephen had stopped the liquid from flooding the room, pushing it back into the tank, sealing it with the glass.

Steve had moved to stand, but Natasha pushed him back down. Tony was lying only feet away, vomiting into a bucket Hank had been holding. There were tears in his eyes and his breathing was ragged.

As quickly as it had happened, it had come to an end. Only then did Natasha pull away and let Steve seek Tony.

“Tony, please. Please look at me,” said Steve.

Tony nodded.

“I love you,” said Steve. “It’s real.”

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has its own post, which you can reblog, on [Tumblr](https://viudanegraaa.tumblr.com/post/185101129846/f-616-what-lies-within-stevetony-t).

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Art for Team Oath](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18935872) by [tishawish](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tishawish/pseuds/tishawish)




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